Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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