one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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