Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Panties = found
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
