as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
