How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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