Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
