He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
