i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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