I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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