I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
