I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
