Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
