Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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