fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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