I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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