I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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