Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
