Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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