She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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