His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
