he shaved USA in his pubs
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
