I puked a lego.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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