the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
