It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
