okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
