Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
