In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
