I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my vag is so smooth its legendary
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
