I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I need to sanitize my soul.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
