Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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