i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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