Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
