You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
