so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
