Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
