Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
