the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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