I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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