Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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