be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
