gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
