I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize