If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize