who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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