I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
