I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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