We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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