Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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