She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
