he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
