You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Randomize
