Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
