Non-Jews are for practice
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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