man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We just shotgunned beers for America
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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