captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
