just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
