Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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