Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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