is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
