I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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