Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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