So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
