I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Do vagina's smell?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
