marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I woke up under a house in Key West
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
