sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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