and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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