Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
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Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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