Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
