Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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