i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
