My Higher Power is John Stamos
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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