Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
