It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
