something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
