i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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