You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
