The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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