I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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