Where did you get a picture of my penis
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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