How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
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He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
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Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
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