So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
