your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
