A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
