I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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