So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
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